Wednesday, June 30, 2010
But today, on a cool summer afternoon I am Slowing Down. I feel very thoughtful and reflective today. Thinking about my life, what I take the time to appreciate, to think about, to fill my hours and moments with.
As I was nursing my baby I thought about my future...right now it's unknown. I was tempted to rush to feeling anxious, something that is too easy to do. Just as quickly, I heard the birds singing outside, my eyes fell to the precious face so close to mine. I breathed in the sweet baby smell, caressed the tiny fingers holding mine and asked God to help me SLOW DOWN!
To slow down before I get anxious. Slow down before I get impatient. Slow down before I have missed what my little one is trying to tell me. Slow down before I miss a moment to gaze at my husband and remember why I love him.
Slow down to feel and cherish these fleeting and all too quickly passing moments of young motherhood. Slow down before I miss a moment that I can never regain.
Today I am thinking of the verse in Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
That's the truth!
Share something that's true about your life right now. It can be anything, funny, sad, a picture a poem. Something that you would not normally share. : ) Link your blog so we can visit you for Too True Tuesday!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Being a wife can be DEMANDING.
Being a christian can be TIME CONSUMING.
Being a female can be ANNOYING.
Ok, that sounds negative right? Well, these are things I have thought a time or two. Good or bad it's true. I realize these negative thoughts can rule my actions a determine how I live my day, how I go about my daily routines. How I execute the daily grind really shows what kind of person I am.
I have struggled for awhile to fit in my personal time with the Lord. I KNOW this is not something to neglect, but it is so easyt to! There was a time when I could not feel "free" to do anything else until I had had my morning devotions. That has long slipped away and I find myself too easily engaging in laundry, or dishes, or whatever before devotions.
As I have begun my blog, the leaness of my soul stood out starkly to me, especially while reading other blogs with deep spiritual content. I have a faithful husband, he reminds me, he asks me : Did you read your Bible today? If I find that question annoying you can clearly guess what the answer to it is. NO. The Lord has so clearly brought to my mind the verse For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12:34. Why would I get angry at him for asking me about my spiritual welfare? Because there was nothing going INTO my heart from God's Word. I have not been taking time to SLOW down and take in. Not just God's word, but Godly, christian books.
So I asked myself, "what have you been taking in?" Nodda. Nothing. I had been waking up, starting my day, murmuring a few prayers here and there and sparadically reading my Bible. Any other reading was zilch.
I have begun placing treasures in my heart. What I put in to my mind affects what I think and feel as a woman and a christian. If I watch the news, it's negative! If I spend a lot of time online and do nothing else, it is empty. Pretty soon my lack of Godly input makes itself known by a leaness of soul! I can feel it and sense it in every area of my life. That's when the first statements become so real to me.
Being a mom can be DRAINING.
Being a wife can be DEMANDING.
Being a christian can be TIME CONSUMING.
Being a female can be ANNOYING.
It is then I realize things HAVE to change! Let's try this:
Being a mom is the most rewarding job ever!
Being a wife is an honor and a blessing!
Being a christain is VITAL and Crucial!
Being a female is what God created me to be! (even the annoying parts)
I am laying up treasures in my heart. I am Guarding my heart, watching cloesly the things I allow to come in, and being careful what is allowed to come out. I know from experience though that when I take in what is right, the "out put" is much different!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I have wrestled with the issue for several years. I have a HUGE fear of homeschooling from not being homeschooled right myself. I have given up on the subject, pushed it away and really tried hard not to think about it. I have even gone so far as to avoid fellow bloggers who homeschool (hey, I'm being honest here!)
But God has other ways of getting a persons attention. I found a blog by a mom who has been married 8 years and has 5 kids and loves the Lord, just like me. So of course I followed her : ) Her blog Our Family for His glory is in the beginning stages (like mine) but after looking her blog over I found....she also homeschools! Uh, oh! She lists her Top Ten Reasons for homeshooling in her blog post Why Homeschool?? Her reasons really got me thinking.
And finally we are facing major changes this year. It is very likely we will be moving (again) and it will be during the 2010/2011 school year. My husband's job (he is a city bus driver) has cut hours way back, so much that we will be unable to live off of what he will earn. New York state's budget is over 85 days late and they are making major cuts everywhere, including our area's transit system. We were already working on finding a church group to join so when we found out about his hours being cut we knew it was time to return to the ministry. Our hearts have longed to be back in ministry anyway. I do not have any idea of when we will be moving, what kind of schools will be at our new location or how our children will deal with our moving. Homeschooling really seems like the ONLY way to go to give our children the stability they need right now. And my mommy heart can rest a lot easier knowing they will be close during all the changes.
I know this is a long post, but my heart keeps returning to these issues. Where will we be going? I don't know. When will we be moving? I don't know. How will everything work out with our finances between now and then? I don't know. Where will our children go to school?
At home. I think God is wanting me to step out in faith for this one. Am I ready?
Friday, June 25, 2010
So please, tell me what you think, hopefully it was worth it!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Last night my son came to my room over 4 times because he needed me. Our children come to our room for various reasons, sometimes when they are sick, when they are scared or when they have had a bad dream. I am not sure why he came last night, but he knew where to go to get love and comfort. I finally fixed him a little bed next to mine on the floor and he went right to sleep, he felt safe and at peace.
My mind went to the many times I have snuggled up to my Heavenly Father for a variety of reasons, an uncertain future, an unexpected bill or repair we had no money for, a hurting heart or a burden I could not bear alone. I have never doubted the fact that no matter what time I go seeking Him, He WILL be there. He doesn't yell, push me away or say "Come back later, I'm busy." He ALWAYS let's me snuggle up to Him, pour out my heart and rest in His Cozy Place of Safety.
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I don't watch too much TV, and when I do take the time to watch, I like to be careful what I watch for a variety of reasons.
So You Think You Can Dance
Umm, no and neither can you. Why don't you go put some clothes on anyway?
Are you really falling in love with her, or the crazy over the top dates? Iceland? Come on, who wouldn't love her for that?
Why is it that a 'good' show has to get messed up with super mini skirts and too much exaggerated drama?
America's Got Talent
Surely this one's ok, nope strippers and the lighting of ( I can't say it on here) How do you explain that to a 5 year old?
Pretty good for the moment, but full of guns and people in bullet proof vests. "Are they really dead Mommy?"
Why doesn't that title just fill you in, since when are idols good?
Too bad they don't stick to finding the next star, Lady Gaga?!? My poor innocent eyes!
If you want to go along for this show be prepared for lots of nudity (not complete mind you) and disgusting arrogance from the contestants.
This is why we DO NOT have cable, there is really not much 'good stuff' out there to watch. And if I have to sit there with the remote 'just in case' what is the point? Much easier to shut it off then to babysit the TV.
Come on give me a break!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
A friend posted this on Face Book and it is just what I needed!
I had a very painful childhood. Don't get me wrong, I do have some good memories, I just wish I had more. And on Father's Day, I often hurt the worst. I am being painfully honest here. My father was ripped out of my life at the tender ages of 13, long before we ever left him, he was gone. Bitter fights, abuse and ABSENCE are all too vivid memories.
Please keep in mind, I have fully forgiven my father, and we have a fairly good relationship now.
But maybe this is why I was dreaming of needing a hug from my husband last night. Maybe this is why I was so touched when he wrapped his arms around me today and hugged me tight. Maybe this is why I am still pinching myself that I found a husband who is so good to me and loves me and our children beyond words.
Tears are coming to my eyes as I post this.
This Father's Day I am working HARD to remember the GOOD times. Focus on my Blessings and remember the quote above.
And if you see me in the card aisle, having a hard time picking a card for my Dad....this is why.
So to the men in my life... my husband.... my dad:
Happy Father's Day - from my heart!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I did not have this growing up, my own father will freely admit this.
So my husband has shown me in many ways what a good father is.
Studies have shown that having a good relationship with ones father is paramount to success and confidence in individulas lives. Children with good fathers, handle stress better, interact with peers better and have an over all better quality of life.
Focus On The Family had a wonderful radio program on fathering intitled "Being a Champion to your Wife and Kids" by Josh McDowell, explaining very interesting statistics how much we need a fathers love. If you have time, I would highly encourage you to listen!
"If the very heart of a child does not believe that their daddy loves them, they will walk away from your truth.
All scientific research shows that a baby's brain is wired to connect through relationships, not emotionally, not spiritually, but physically. Children need cuddled and loved through affection.
What encourages a child to believe? Relationships"
Incidently there is a study that shows that children who were born via the anonymous sperm donor methed suffer. Why? Because there is no relationship. http://www.slate.com/id/2256212/
Today I am thankful for a huband who is also a father!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
As I was beginning my day this morning my mind was mulling over how uncertain life is. My list is long, and if we took your list, and someone else's list and added them all together, the list would go on and on!
It is one of the things in life that is certain. We WILL feel uncertain, life WILL be uncertain, and everything IS subject to uncertainty. Life has no guaruntees. I am not guaranteed another breath. I am not guaranteed to get home safely when I go out, I am not guaranteed anything, life does not come with a guarantee.
Before I start to sound entirley negative, let me point out a few things that are CERTAIN.
1. God loves me.
No matter what I have done, who I am or who I am not. He loves me. PERIOD.
2. I can TRUST God.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know the one who does.
3. I have been BLESSED!
No matter what is given or taken away from me, this will always be true.
4. God is in CONTROL.
Not BP with the awful oil spill, not our government which seems full of moral decay, not the secular media and Hollywood which so many people seem to model themselves after. Not wars and rumors of wars, not any natural disaster, not my uncertain future not anything.
5. God never changes.
His promises are true, what He say's He will do.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
We met in college, Penn View Bible Institute in September 2000. The first time I saw him he was talking and laughing with some new friends. That image has been forever engraved on my memory. And he has never ceased loving people, he is a true people person. He said the first thing he remembers about me was my smile. According to him, I smiled shyly at him...which of course is true. When I first went to college I was painfully shy and scared of almost everybody.
I didn't know it then, but soon learned that this was the beginning of our forever. The Christmas of 2000 I knew that he was the "one". Now almost 10 years after we first met, I still know.One more interesting fact, Jonathan knew right away he liked me. In fact, the very weekend we arrived at Penn View his parents were taking him out to dinner for his birthday. I remember wondering why this older man with a white beard was looking at me. It was Jonathan's dad, he had already told his family I was the girl he liked.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I have to do this every day. I adjust my expectations of what I want and think should happen.
Like this morning, I was going to hit the stores with my 3 youngest kiddos, then Jachin threw up, I could hear him while I drove, then Emmaus noticed it and announced it in her panicky voice. Change of plans, we are going home instead.
Thinking outside the box = Adjusting my expectations.
Then there was last night. I had been at home all day with the children by myself. I was tired. After everyone was in bed, I went to the gym, even though it was already 10pm.
Thinking outside the box = A healthy body
Like today, I had plans to go shopping for sandals for the children, but it was raining, heavy. We went anyway and got all wet doing it. I had the van.
Thinking outside the box= Getting the job done, even though it's tough.
Like right now. I am going to make what I call my "junk muffins". They have spinach and bannana puree in them. Unbelieveably they are delicious.
Thinking outside the box= No wasted food
I do this a least a thousand times a day, that's what makes my life work.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
So when the tornado warning was for our direct area, we packed up the kids and went to a friends house who has a basement. (Thank God for good friends!) I would rather feel stupid and over protective than to wish I had been. We have all seen the horror pictures of homes wiped out from tornadoes, and I didn't want to be in my home, without a basement if a tornado touched down.
5 Dead in small Ohio town.
So although no tornado ever came through and messed up our house, this could have been my town, my home. This is why I am better safe than sorry!
I do have a lot to say, and sometimes no one to say it to beside's God. And although He is a good listener He probably doesn't benefit too much from what I have to say. I have this strange notion that I might be able to help someone, and I know God certainly doesn't need any help, I mean He's God! So I choose to write about my thoughts, my life and things that interest me in the hopes that at some point it will give someone a little boost, a little hope, a little "I've been there too". It is also a way for me to journal, something I did for years as a young girl, but have not done much since becoming a mommy.
As the mother of 5 beautiful kids my life is busy and blessed. I won't be writing about great adventures about seeing the world, amazing vacations or my great accomplishments at a J.O.B. I will be sharing about what I consider the craziest roller-coaster adventure EVER, My life! It can be scarry, unsettling, heart-breaking, frustrating and a constant sacrifice. But I have found the benefits of love, warmth and a sense of belonging plus 5 little people that love me far out weigh ANY thing that may be perceived as negative or draining. My kids and husband are my life, and I love them with my life.
I am content, satisfied, thoroughly happy, and serenely at peace with my CHOICE.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The definition of the word purpose speaks for itself.
The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
An intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
Determination; resoluteness. the subject in hand; the point at issue. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose. .
To set as an aim, intention, or goal for oneself.
To intend; design
To resolve (to do something): I have purposed to change my way of life radically.
I want people to trust me, have confidence in me and know that I mean what I say, and that my words measure up with my life.
I am so aware that I handle peoples hearts every day. From the heart of my husband and children to the hearts of the people I come in contact with in any shape or form. When I tell people they need to do better, I want them to know that I need to do better myself. When I give advice, I want them to know it is from a heart of love, not judgement or from my opinions. When I come in contact with people, I want to leave them with their hearts feeling a little better, more encouraged, ready to face life...inspired.
When I think of all I want to do...all I need to live up to I sometimes get overwhelmed. I turn to HIM, the one who changed every heart He touched. Whether they aknowledged it or not...or even knew it or not. So my prayer for this week is, "God, make me REAL!" So when people think or see Crystal, all they see is Jesus!