New Years Resolution

It's a little late for that right? Well, just so you know I made it on time, just haven't blogged about it. My New Years Resolution for this year is to have my quiet time with the Lord Every day. If you are a mom you know how hard this can be, and if you're not you know how hard this can be : ) There was a time in my life when I felt guilty (a good guilt, yes there is such a thing!) if I did anything before I had my prayer time and Bible reading, but slowly (like years slowly) it became more hit and miss, until the end of last year, weeks would go by without me picking up the Word. I am very ashamed of this, but not guilty of this any more. So this year I made 1 resolution, I could have had a list 20 feet long of all that I wanted to change, but God clearly showed me this 1 thing and I felt sure that if this one thing was "fixed" my long list would be fixed too!

The very first day of the New Year, after staying up until 12am to bring in the New Year with my brother and sister and my family, I was exhausted. I rolled over in bed, peeked at the clock, tuned my ears to the fact that everyone was still sleeping (including ALL 5 of our kids) and ALMOST decided to get a few extra winks. Just as quickly I felt the Lord speak to my heart, "You can do without a little extra sleep, but you cannot do without your time with me."
So I got up and had a very precious time with the Lord. I brewed some coffee, got my journal and Bible all ready, sat down on the couch in a perfectly quiet house and had a precious time with the Lord. He met with me so sweetly and gave me a verse which I am memorizing for the year. My heart is steadfast o Lord, I will sing and give praise. Psalm 108:1a What a verse for me, I needed a steadfast heart, and I could only get that from Jesus!

I am continuing on this journey with great although not perfect success. There have been mornings where I have missed the early rising, but still taken the time any way. There have been days I have had interruptions (there will be those days) but I have still taken the time out anyway. A very intersting thing happened, by taking my personal prayer time (even though it made me behind on so many things) I somehow was ahead and had a better day!

In conclusion I am desperately needing to excersise, and this is an "unofficial" resolution. I have placed a mile counter on the bottom of my blog for accountability. Please feel free to encourage me : ) I want so much to "do better" in a lot of areas, and I am trusting God with a steadfast heart!

Lord, Increase My Faith!

I have been having conversations with God and my husband about our finances. We are receiving a very small amount for our weekly salary here at our small church. It is enough that we barely squeek by, and if I told you just how little it was you would be suprised we can even make it.

I decided that it is up to the Lord and my husband to provide for our family, it is not my place to be the bread winner. Strangely this has taken the pressure off of me, and although I manage the finances and the checkbook, it relieves some of the pressure. It's not a cop out, but a coping mechanism that makes me trust my husband and the Lord.

We were just talking this morning (God and me) and He was asking me to trust Him. Later in the morning my husband and I were discussing our finances and he was asking me if I could trust God to meet our financial needs. I said, sure I know I can, especially according to the Bible and God's promises. But, I added, " We do have some very specific needs and I just don't know how we are going to do it, and I have a lot of fear, which I am surrendering to God."

So, tonight after service I was asked if I would like to clean our church weekly, for $50 a week. "I don't want anything more to clean" haha. Of course I'll do it! And wow, that will really help with our way too tight budget. I am am just amazed at how quickly God has come through in meeting our need AND in increasing my faith (which is pitifully weak sometimes)

Never Enough

Have you ever wondered why you can have a great relationship with someone, have a wonderful time with them, talk to them, share your heart with them, feel so full and so free. Then a few hours or days later, it's no longer enough?

I love my husband we have an awesome relationship but he doesn't fill me.

I have 5 beautiful children but they don't fill up that void.

I have friends, relatives and a church family, but they are not enough.

I have myself, my mind and the thoughts of my heart, but that is not enough.

I always need MORE!

When will I ever get "enough"?

To the woman he said,
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. Genesis 3:16

"The curse for Eve and all her daughters cannot be limited only to babies and marriage, for if it were true then every single woman without children get's to escape the curse. Not so. The meaning is deeper and the implications are for every daughter of Eve. Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man) and with the dominance of men (which is not how things were meant to be, and we are not saying it is a good thing- it is the fruit of the fall and a sad fact of history). Isn't it true, aren't your deepest worries and heartaches relational, aren't they connected to someone? Even when things are good, is your vast capacity for intimacy ever filled in a lasting way?"
John and Stasi Eldredge in Captivating

I know there are other women who have felt this same way, I have talked to them and we have shared this openly. But never have I really understood the reason. I have always sort of wondered....why?

I have experienced this today. A long day home with the children, my husband gone to work on a project. My deep need for relational communication was sooooo apparent and haunting to me. Understanding why I sometimes feel so needy and so alone really has helped me understand myself. God made me the way I am, a relational creature, the curse makes loneliness something I will never escape. Now that I know that, understand the why, I actually feel much better, accepting myself without judgement and with a stronger reliance on the God who created me.

Slow Down!

I tell my husband that a lot when he is driving. "Slow down, you don't want to get a ticket!" (I don't want you to get a ticket) I have rushed through days, rushing here, rushing there. I have always been in a hurry when pregnant to get the delivery over quickly, something my body has never helped me with :) I have rushed through saying goodnight to the children. I have gulped down my food at meal time, for what I can't remember. I have rushed out of bed, rushed into bed. I have rushed so we wouldn't be late, snapping at the children while my patience wore thin. I can probably think of times I have rushed much more easily than the times I have slowed down. Our society has geared us to rushing. Believe me, I have rushed!

But today, on a cool summer afternoon I am Slowing Down. I feel very thoughtful and reflective today. Thinking about my life, what I take the time to appreciate, to think about, to fill my hours and moments with.
As I was nursing my baby I thought about my future...right now it's unknown. I was tempted to rush to feeling anxious, something that is too easy to do. Just as quickly, I heard the birds singing outside, my eyes fell to the precious face so close to mine. I breathed in the sweet baby smell, caressed the tiny fingers holding mine and asked God to help me SLOW DOWN!

To slow down before I get anxious. Slow down before I get impatient. Slow down before I have missed what my little one is trying to tell me. Slow down before I miss a moment to gaze at my husband and remember why I love him.
Slow down to feel and cherish these fleeting and all too quickly passing moments of young motherhood. Slow down before I miss a moment that I can never regain.

Today I am thinking of the verse in Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.

Treasures of the Heart

Being a mom can be DRAINING.

Being a wife can be DEMANDING.

Being a christian can be TIME CONSUMING.

Being a female can be ANNOYING.

Ok, that sounds negative right? Well, these are things I have thought a time or two. Good or bad it's true. I realize these negative thoughts can rule my actions a determine how I live my day, how I go about my daily routines. How I execute the daily grind really shows what kind of person I am.

I have struggled for awhile to fit in my personal time with the Lord. I KNOW this is not something to neglect, but it is so easyt to! There was a time when I could not feel "free" to do anything else until I had had my morning devotions. That has long slipped away and I find myself too easily engaging in laundry, or dishes, or whatever before devotions.

As I have begun my blog, the leaness of my soul stood out starkly to me, especially while reading other blogs with deep spiritual content. I have a faithful husband, he reminds me, he asks me : Did you read your Bible today? If I find that question annoying you can clearly guess what the answer to it is. NO. The Lord has so clearly brought to my mind the verse For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12:34. Why would I get angry at him for asking me about my spiritual welfare? Because there was nothing going INTO my heart from God's Word. I have not been taking time to SLOW down and take in. Not just God's word, but Godly, christian books.

So I asked myself, "what have you been taking in?" Nodda. Nothing. I had been waking up, starting my day, murmuring a few prayers here and there and sparadically reading my Bible. Any other reading was zilch.

I have begun placing treasures in my heart. What I put in to my mind affects what I think and feel as a woman and a christian. If I watch the news, it's negative! If I spend a lot of time online and do nothing else, it is empty. Pretty soon my lack of Godly input makes itself known by a leaness of soul! I can feel it and sense it in every area of my life. That's when the first statements become so real to me.

Being a mom can be DRAINING.

Being a wife can be DEMANDING.

Being a christian can be TIME CONSUMING.

Being a female can be ANNOYING.

It is then I realize things HAVE to change! Let's try this:

Being a mom is the most rewarding job ever!

Being a wife is an honor and a blessing!

Being a christain is VITAL and Crucial!

Being a female is what God created me to be! (even the annoying parts)

I am laying up treasures in my heart. I am Guarding my heart, watching cloesly the things I allow to come in, and being careful what is allowed to come out. I know from experience though that when I take in what is right, the "out put" is much different!

Purpose

I am a busy wife and a mommy to 5 beautiful children. God has inspired my heart of how purpose can change the direction our lives take. From our daily goals to our long term plans, a God given and God driven Purpose changes everything.

The definition of the word purpose speaks for itself.
The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
An intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
Determination; resoluteness. the subject in hand; the point at issue. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose. .
To set as an aim, intention, or goal for oneself.
To intend; design
To resolve (to do something): I have purposed to change my way of life radically.