Sunday, March 23, 2014

All I Ever Needed

We went to our districts Ministerial Retreat and had a wonderful time.  On Friday night we finally got to bed at 1:30am (technically Saturday 3/15/14)  I was to give a devotional to the district pastors wives on Saturday and was thinking and praying about it as I drifted off to sleep.

    Reaching the early hours of morning my phone alarm went off and I awoke quoting Psalm 139:17
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! and Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  I was coaxed out of a beautiful dream that left me sitting on the side of the bed with my head swirling.  Trying to grasp the full import of what had just been seen in my sleeping mind.  I have never woke from a dream quoting scripture, and these verses struck my subconscious mind then went straight to my heart.
    In this dream I was following a line of small red berries each about the size of a marble.  I didn't notice anything else except those berries.  I was gathering them up as fast as I could, all the while following the trail of them.  I stuffed them into my pockets, pulled out my shirt like a bowl and filled it full, anywhere I could put a berry I did, until my hands and arms was full of these berries. 
    All of the sudden I came to the very last one, there were no more.  And like any good gardener who comes to the end of the line, I stood up to survey where I had been, and see what was ahead.  Looking back was nothing but darkness, pitch black darkness.  I turned to face forward and there right in front of me was a HUGE clear container FULL of these little red berries.  It was 4 times taller and me, and so wide.  It contained thousands, no millions of them!  My arms went slack.  The many berries I had desperately gathered in my arms fell to the floor in deafening silence.  Right before my eyes was all the berries I could ever need, enough for me, my family and more!
    Then it hit me as I sat on the side of the bed, groggily recalling my dream.  This was for me....God had sent this dream for me.  I have tried, and fought, and cried, and prayed and sought to believe that God had a future for me.  I had longed to believe that I would feel hope again and regain interest and that spark of life I had been craving since Karagen died.  The message in the dream was a promise that He had a future and a hope, for me!    That the thoughts He thought of me were precious, how great is the sum of them!  I could spend my whole life trying to accept my circumstances and trying to gather as much strength (the berries) or peace (the berries) or hope (the berries) or whatever.  All I ever needed could be found in Him!  Without measure, without end!
  This dream has changed me.  Somehow it has spoken peace to my very troubled heart.  I have struggled with depression, nothing kept my interest, it seemed like my very life was sapped out of me.  My spark was gone, and I struggled with constant sadness, and numbness and nothingness.  Since this dream I know that God has awakened my heart, He has breathed life into me!  He has blessed me with His presence and Wow, it feels sooo good..  This is healing.  This is Life.  This is Hope.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


If you could see inside my heart and pictures could be words....
You'd see peace.

At long last.....

There has been a battle raging inside of me for so long,
without relief.....

The ripping and tearing,  if you could feel it and see it,
You'd see me in thousands of pieces

I felt like Humpty Dumpty,
with no hope of ever being put back together again.

These words were claimed,
"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"




Hot, stinging tears.
They burned my eyes and seared  my heart.

A heart that was crushed 1000 times over.





And you are complete in Him.

Colossians 2:10a