I was just trying to organize the "hair drawer" which is always a mess, especially so since GraceyAnna get's into it. That's all I intended to do, organize a drawer. As I pulled scrunchies out, and hair ties, and head bands, memory after memory came.
I found the phone she loved to play games on and pretend with, the one Gina her friend from Community Bible Church in New York gave her..
I found the head band she wore in the hospital when Aunt Kelly, Uncle Andrew and cousins Austin and Aubrey came to visit, all the way from Indiana.
I found the flowered head band that her and Gracey both wore, the one she wore after we shaved her hair.
Here were the rose hair ties she wished to wear when her hair grew back.
Here are the bracelets Karagen and Emmaus would fight over and I'd always admonish them to share.
Here is the curling iron I used to curl her bangs with.
Here is the hair tie she begged to wear the last time she went to church with hair.
Here is the drawer we used to organize together.
Here is the mommy, with tears in her eyes and the familiar lump in her throat. Accosted by memories that hurt to think about but I never want to forget.
Missing her again.
I miss brushing her thick, dark hair. Feeling her thick, ultra smooth tresses glide through my fingers.
I miss curling her bangs, braiding it, putting bows in it, inspecting it.
I miss seeing her smile when she liked "her do" it was all the thanks I ever needed.
I miss hearing the girls giggle at night and argue over bracelets.
I miss having that little girl at my side, going on little errands to put things away, keeping me straight, smiling at me.
Stupid drawer, I should have known why I procrastinated.
Treasured drawer, who knew you had so many precious memories hiding among the mess.