As we gather here today we do so with great
sorrow. Each and every one of us, to
some extent were touched by Karagen and her life. I am amazed how one little girl, living only
9 years could reach our hearts in such a powerful way. She would want us to cry, because tears
cleanse our pain. She would want us to
be happy even in her death because she is free!
She would want us to establish stronger family bonds, to love
completely. To see beauty in the faces
and people around us, to always look beyond to the heart, to breathe deeply and
enjoy life with every fiber of our beings, she would want us to live!
In the
coming days we may feel robbed and perhaps already many of us do. We may feel like her little life was torn or
stolen from us. Let me assure your
broken heart, she has not been stolen!
Stealing would suggest that some unknown, cruel person came and took
her away from us while we were unaware.
This is not the case! We know who
came and took Karagen, tenderly and lovingly took her to Him. Jesus came and with aching tenderness took
her home! He took her to be with Him, so
He could cherish her completely and lavish her with love endlessly. Yet, even while He did so, I believe His
heart ached for us, knowing how losing her would pierce our hearts. He did what was best for her yet grieves with
us through our loss. He rejoices that
his little girl is literally His! She is
not in some far away place, she is with Jesus!
We are only separated by time.
She is lost, but she is found! If
I had to lose her to anyone, there is no one I’d rather lose her to than Jesus!
Safe in the arms of Jesus, safe on His gentle breast
There by His love o’ershaded, sweetly her soul shall rest.
There by His love o’ershaded, sweetly her soul shall rest.
Karagen taught me so many things as a mother. When I think of her short life I think of
firsts. She was my first full term
pregnancy, my first baby, my first girl.
She was the first person I never asked to love me, I never had to woo
her or work hard in any way to receiver her love. I remember her first smile, the first time
she rolled over, her first tooth, her first steps, her first word, which was
“tickle, tickle”. She was my first baby to
potty train, I remember her first day of school, the first time she rode her
bike, the first time she played Amazing Grace on the piano here in this
church. So many firsts with
Karagen! I thought I would be the first
one to make it to heaven, but she beat me to it, she got to go first!
She made me a mommy. She made
Jonathan a daddy. She made our parents
grandparents. She made our sibling aunts
and uncles. In so many ways, she has
helped shape me into the woman I am today.
She made friends easily, she made people come out of their shells and
loved her. She showed all of us what
unprejudiced love looked like. She loved
people with abandon and blindness. When
she looked at them she didn’t see their faults and failings she just saw them! She made messes, but she helped clean them
up. She was my right hand woman and
helped me without being asked. She was a
mother hen and loved her siblings greatly.
She always felt responsible for them, in fact her last conversation with
Emmaus was over what she ate at school, she wanted Emmaus to eat healthy. She was the little girl who always had a
sparkle in her eyes, who always gave and shared and who always noticed. She was one of the six little people who kept
my days full to overflowing with joy and happiness.
I have
not balked at taking care of her these last 6 and ½ months.
Taking care of her was a privilege and an honor. She told me several times in the last 3 weeks
that I was the best nurse and told me all the time that I was the best mommy. Through the tears and her intense pain she
still said thank you. She suffered
patiently and quietly. When her family
or nurses spoke to her or were near, in spite of her pain she would muster a
smile. She cared about people, her
hospice nurse was amazed at the details Karagen remembered about her.
If there was a word that described Karagen it would be caring. So many times Jonathan and I saw her living
her name! I often thought that we should
have spelled her name C-A-R-E A-G-A-I-N,
because that’s what she did, she cared again and again, over and over. How she gave, and cared and loved was an
inspiration and spoke to me as a tender example of just how much one can care,
and show it. When someone loves as
freely and willingly as Karagen and tells us they care it is easy to believe. I marveled so many times at how she reached
out to people and how she touched them and wished I had the courage to love
like that.
There's a whole in my heart that burns and aches. Her flavor, her
sparkle, her light is forever extinguished. Every time I look at one of our
children I see her. When I look at Jonathan I see her. When I look at her
chair, the room she was in, her clothes, I see her. When I look out at our back
yard, I see her playing there. All those glimpses of her, everything leads me
to thoughts and memories of her. All those millions of times I have gazed at
her these last nine years and have been filled with love and joy, she took my
breath away. She was so much a part of
all of us. There's a face missing at the table, a warmth missing from our home.
Our family will always be one too small. Oh the joy when you add another child
to a family, the despair when one is taken away.
In the coming days, months and years we will all feel an ache. We will feel the loss and the hurt. We must find a way to focus not on our loss
but her gain! She is safe with Jesus,
she will never hunger or thirst or feel any kind of pain. We must not pine and whine. We must not focus on all the times we didn’t
get with her, but on all the times we had with her. If we run through the list of all the
positives that she is missing we are in grave error! We are the ones who are missing out. Karagen is blissfully happy, she has seen the
face of God! Remember all the negative things she is missing, she is missing
all the pain and disappointments of this life, the aching and tears, she will
never have to experience again! She is
in the very presence of all that is good and loving. She is basking in the fragrance and feel of
Jesus, of heaven. She is hugging her
loved ones, she has cuddled with Jesus, she is blessed, she is bliss! So if you find yourself thinking, “poor
Karagen”, like I have, stop yourself and list all that she has gained! She is not poor, She is Home, she is Free!Karagen, heaven is not just a little sweeter, it's brighter and more beautiful. I have no idea what it really looks like or feels like or smells like. But you gave me gave us a little bit of heaven on earth. Because I know you, and what you brought to us, heaven is not just a place anymore, it's a home. It's not just a destination, it's a hope, it's not just a goal, it's a reunion. I will forever miss you, I will see you everywhere, always. I love you all the numbers in the world plus one! I love you the mostest with the hostest! Thank you for all that you gave me as my daughter. You loved me completely and understood me. You lit up my heart and life with your own special unique light! I promise you that I will love just as deeply if not deeper, even though I know how much it can hurt to do so. I promise to continue to be the best mother and to hug and kiss all your brothers and sisters more. I promise that even though I feel like a piece of my heart has been torn out I will still live to love. I promise we will find a way to move forward, even if it is like we have had a valued limb amputated and we will spend the rest of our lives trying to live without it. I promise to smile and laugh, to dance and sing. I promise to love you forever and to cherish your memory. You gave us so much and we promise to find a way to give and love like you did.
You will be forever in our hearts,
forever safe in Jesus arms!
