Saturday, June 23, 2012

Worst Week Ever

Yet I WILL trust Him!

     On Wednesday Karagen had her first round of radiation.  She came out from that shivering uncontrollably, yet trying not to complain.  The shivering lasted over a half hour.  After that came the migraine like headache, then the throwing up, again and again.  I drove the 2 hour drive home with a little girl in agony.
     Once home she went  straight to bed and slept fitfully between puking.  We gave her some anti-nausea meds, tylenol and finally just let her sleep fitfully with nothing to comfort her except a cool wash cloth on her forhead.
      The next day Jonathan and I decided to discontinue her radiation treatments and to switch her over to palliative care- now it feels a little like we are letting our precious daughter die.  Being told your child has only a 15% chance of survival with aggressive treatment that will ruin her life for the next few months was too much-we called it.
      Thursday was spent grappling with the results and feelings of that decision, trying to cope and be strong and keep trusting in God.  Our faith reaching out to our Loving Heavenly Father.
       Friday morning (our 10th anniversary) we found out more devestating news concerning a close family member.  Lives and relationships shattered and family thrown away like garbage.
       Then today, our dear friend came over asking if Jonathan was home, he was away dealing with the above crisis, so I was asked to help come open a neighbors door.  Rose has two apartments that she rents out.  In one of them is a dear lady who has just had surgery.  Her front door was unlocked and the neighbor (the other apartment resident) had been worried because she had not seen the first lady all day which is especcially strange as she has a dog she walks regularly.  I helped try to open her locked bedroom door, and finally slammed it open with my shoulder.  I found her dead.

So I ask, could this week get any worse?  Please don't answer that!



  1. Oh Crystal, I am so, so sorry! I am praying with tears streaming down my face for you. You are so, so loved. And I know that our God has got a hold of you- through all the heart-ache and difficult decisions. Sending hugs from afar, Jessica

  2. Precious Crystal, How I wish I could be right beside you to cry with you and comfort you and encourage you. What a hard, hard providence the LORD has set before you. There is no doubt in my mind He will strengthen you for the days ahead, and I'm praying you will know the peace only He can give and you will know it most abundantly. May God grant you grace upon grace in these very, very difficult days. Our family is praying for you, dear sister! Much love and a million hugs...

  3. Many many prayers are going to the Heavenly Throne for you all!! I can't say that I know what you are going through! I can only say that we love you guys and will be continually praying for strength for the next valley to hold on to HIM!! We are sending prayers, love, and (((((HUGS))))) your way!! The Keller's

  4. Cheryl Welch-WilliamsJune 24, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    Dear Crystal
    how I was I didn't have to hear those words.... palliative care I know too well the meaning of those words. My heart goes out to you and everyone. Remember I am always praying for you and your family. I pray God holds each and everyone of you in His arms during this difficult time. Love you guys. Cheryl

  5. I don't know what to say, except that my heart hurts for you and we are praying, praying, praying. Love, Raylin

  6. Upon reading Jon's sisters post the other day. This poem came to mind.


    One night I had a dream--
    I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
    and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
    For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
    one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
    When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
    I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
    I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
    there was only one set of footprints.
    I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
    and saddest times in my life.
    This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
    "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
    you would walk with me all the way,
    but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
    there is only one set of footprints.
    "I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
    you should leave me."
    The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
    I love you and I would never, never leave you
    during your times of trial and suffering.
    "When you saw only one set of footprints,
    it was then that I carried you."

    ...Mary Stevenson


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