See You Soon

      When we lose someone we love we have to say goodbye over and over.  My "goodbyes" to Karagen range in the thousands.  Whenever I see a picture of her, I say goodbye.  When I see her hand-me-downs on her little sister I say goodbye.  When I find a word search with her writing in it, I say goodbye.  When I feel that emptiness, her emptiness, I say goodbye.  When I am browsing through camera pictures and come to her very last picture, and realize it is the last, that there will NEVER be any more  I have to say goodbye.  Say the words my heart hates to admit..... goodbye.

 

    We say goodbye to the hopes and dreams we had for her.  We say goodbye to her being taller than me (she loved that one), we say goodbye to achievements, seeing her master the piano, teaching Sunday school, boyfriends, high school, college, graduations, messy rooms, tears, laughter, a husband, grandchildren, relationships, birthdays, the sound of her voice.  The sight of her blossoming into a strong and beautiful woman, we have to say goodbye to all of it.  We have to say it, we have to!

 

                         Goodbye.   So final.      We have to let go.







 If I could get myself to think, "See you soon" would that make this any easier? I will see her again, that is the hope that gets me through our loss.  I will see her again, I just wish it were today, right now.  If I had that chance I would grab her, hug her tight then put my hands on both sides of her face and say "Mommy loves you!"  "I miss you so bad!" 

       The impossible forces me to continue my "goodbyes", they are all I have left.  Each moment my thoughts wander to her I say goodbye, again and again. Memories, a gift..... yet a constant reminder of the precious relationship I have no more.  Time passes so slowly yet so quickly.  Before I know it we will be together,  when I finally see her the waiting will be over, the heartache too.

 See you soon raccoon.