Sifting....

 

Sifting through memories, through thoughts, through time. 

 

9 years.  Over. Gone. Done.

 

Have you ever tried to hold on to sand?  No matter how tight you squeeze, the tiny grains keep slipping out.

 

To hold time, close and intimate and as tight as I can, yet it keeps slipping away.

 

There is no more time.

 

There is no more hugs, kisses or carresses. No more looking at her sweet face, no more stroking her soft fuzzy head, no more holding her hand.  No more smiles and laughter, or reassurances...for her ....and for me.  No more conversations, no sound of her voice.

 

Silence.

 

And yet I tighten my grip....but they keep slipping through.  Those tiny, ever so tiny grains of sand.

And they fall, unable to be re-taken or grasped again.  They fall in with the other thousands of grains of sand.  I can't distinguish them from the others anymore, they all blend together in a blurr.....

 

Then I realize it's my tears, it's my heart with the ache that will not stop.

 

They fall and they fall, never easing the ache.  While looking at the pile of sand I try to grasp the truth that I will never see her again....here.  The small mound that was her life.... it's there but it's gone. 

 

So I cry, not for her, but for me. 

 

 I cry because I don't have her, I can't see her, hear her, touch her, feel her. 

 

What do I miss the most?

 

The answer is simple.

 

Everything.