What's On My Mind

Funny when I find out I'm expecting, I think about the new little one a lot. I felt the baby move this week, I know it is tiny, but I felt my first move at 12 weeks gestation as well, that was Karagen and now I am hoping we are having a girl. It is funny wanting a girl : )

I was thinking about how I found out about this pregnancy, it is already a cherished memory. I had been having extreme fatigue, had missed my period but the cheap pregnancy tests did not show a positive result. Was I crazy? No the tests were just cheap.

How did I find out then? Jonathan and I went out on a date Friday January 7. We wanted to see The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. While we were waiting for our movie to start (we had about an hour) we left the mall and went to a Family Dollar and bought a $4 test there. We returned to the mall and I used my empty fast food cup and took the test in the public restroom. The test was positive right away and my heart skipped a beat. I grinned so big, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. I went to wash my hands and smiled at a lady washing hers, she was probably wondering what was wrong with me.

I slipped out of the bathroom and showed Jonathan the test I had tucked into my purse and he said "I figured". Then we were both smiling and as we sat down in the theatre to watch our movie he whispered in my ear "I love you Mommy." I looked at that test a dozen times while we watched the movie : )

I have felt pretty good so far, VERY tired and some days all I did was sleep on the couch. I have been a little nauseous but not overly so and the only time I have really thrown up was with my headache and the flu. I have also been very thankful that I have continued to be able to cook most of our meals, although I did break down and we bought some fish sticks (yucky on my pregnant nose). God has been good, and I feel very blessed.

Confronting me in a greater sense this time though was the fear of what people would think. We have gotten the comments, the looks and all that comes with having a large family. Jonathan was very hesitant to tell his family, he was not wanting to hear what they had to say. So both of us chickened out and had Karagen tell them, and well, that helped a lot. Her joy and innocent enthusiasm saved the day. It does hurt a little when family are the ones who are the least happy for you, and who never say Congratulations-just being honest here.

But deep down, where no one see's but me and the Lord, is a daily growing love for our new little one. A deeper sense of trust and reliance on God to provide for all our needs and a sense of peaceful joy for the precious gift of LIFE.

3 months